Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
