my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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