Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
