i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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