so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
