it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
