It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
