Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
