Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Verdict: uncircumcised.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
