Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
