Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
