I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize