I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
pray to the hookup gods
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
