I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
