Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
