It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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