so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
