And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
