Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
