you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
