hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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