A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
