I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
