I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
