When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
