Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
we should paint friendship bongs
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
