she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
