I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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