I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Everclear isn't food dammit
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize