No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
