She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
