his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
