You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
