homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
