Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
