Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
