The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
