i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
