Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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