we have officially lost it.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize