Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
