You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
