Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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