Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
