I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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