When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
