Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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