Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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