Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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