Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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