We won't sleep together?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
