I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
