My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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