how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
