How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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