everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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