He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
