found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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