The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I had to cum in my sink.
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