So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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