8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
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