he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize