I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
