it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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