It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
