Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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