If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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