I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
