He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Randomize
