Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
