my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
