totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
