She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
