So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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