How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
