As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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