At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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