hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
